#MFU TO PEOPLE WHO POST TV SHOW SPOILERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

We're sorry that you get so little attention in your life that you want some fame by telling everyone on your timeline what happens in [insert hot show here]. We're not sorry for making sure you understand you're an asshole.

In case you've been in a Kimmy Schmidt-style bunker (in which case we're sorry to inform you that Donald Trump is president of the United States) a spoiler is a bit of information about a show that's going to give away a big, upcoming plot point. "OMG I can't believe Cersi did that!" is not a spoiler. "Yes! Olivia Pope is finally not taking any more shit!" is not really a spoiler, but so right on the line you probably shouldn't.  "Wow How is Grey's Anatomy going to do another season now that the hospital blew up and everyone died?" is a spoiler, jackass. Rules about posting spoilers are really simple: Don't.

People who do are joyless, miserable shits -- the kind of people who ran to the teacher anytime anyone was doing anything remotely fun in kindergarten. People who post spoilers are the type to call the police when an ice cream truck jingle goes on for longer than 2 minutes -- the people who run and get an usher in the movie theater if they see someone open up a pack of Whoppers they clearly didn't buy from inside the theater. They ruin everything.

Don't be a spoiler person. If you know one, unfriend them. If they ask why, be ultra petty and say, "If I tell you now, I'll spoil it for you." 

malcolm venable