#MFU TO EVERY EXCRUCIATING PART OF THE JOB INTERVIEW PROCESS

At some point in the job interview process, you become an anxious, needy shell of your former self, picking up the phone to call friends and ask stupid questions like, 'Should I close the Thank You email with 'Best' or 'Best Regards?' Should I call back after three days or wait a full week? Heels or flats? Tie or no tie? Cover the tattoos or let it all hang out so they can see what they're working with? Ugh. 

Every single part of the job interview process is like crawling over warmed-up broken glass. You're lying about yourself ("I love working weekends!") and the new employer is most definitely covering up how shitty it is to work there and how miserable everybody really is. Never mind the complete ludicrousness of it in the first place -- since chatting with someone for 30 minutes will give neither of you any indication of what it's really like to work there -- the fake formality and ceremony of it, the anxious waiting, the sending out resumes and rejection after rejection is literally the worst thing ever. But hey, a check is a check and health insurance ain't cheap. Put on that suit, do the dance, and drown your anxiety in whiskey. Good luck.

Lifemalcolm venable