Dating Is Awful, Pt. 105

When my ex and I broke up I thought the world of Tinder and Bumble was my (vaginal) oyster. I swiped my ass off, dated my ass off, and disappointed my ass off real quickly. As a woman, you think you’re going out on dates. What you’re really going out on is an audition for whether or not the dude would like to have sex with you a few times.

You’re lucky if the guy pretends to want to get to know you via text, doubly lucky if he looks you in the eye when you’re talking to him in person. You might try to get a few words in about yourself, but you should really just prepare to listen to him casually brag about his accomplishments and interests over a drink or three. Oh- and it’s not even free, guys only pay for the first round these days. I even had one who “needed to transfer some funds” and forced me to pay.

If you make it past a few “dates” with a guy, you might find yourself in the weird world of how the fuck to make conversation via text message. My favorite guys are the ones who are overly excited in the beginning (you might actually be interested in these ones) then after a month passes they vanish into thin air. Ghosting is funny to joke about until it happens to you three times in a row.

Even when you delete the apps, the situation is dire. Bars are for one night stands, all the guys on your coed teams are taken, coworkers are off limits… You’re better off just cutting your losses and accepting the fact that you’re going to lead a long lonely life with the two cats you adopted after your original breakup with the one guy who might have actually been worth your time.

#mfu #dating #tinder  

DatingAndre Johnson